Wednesday

Coalition of Aunts and Uncles for Sensible Naming Practices

After expressing my disgust at the defective alphabet Patrick's dad intends to call him, Absent mentioned that we should form a coalition to somehow enforce sensible naming practices. Considering the following e-mail that I received from a friend this morning, I'm inclined to agree with her.

If you were to name your child Nauvoo, would that child be male or female?

And if that child were male, would you grow that child'’s hair out long and curly to his shoulders and dress him in gender-neutral clothing so nobody would be able to tell that he was a male?

And if you had a three-year-old boy-child named Nauvoo with long curly hair, would you also have a girl-child named Zion?

And would that two-year-old girl-child named Zion have short, thick hair--short, thick, boy-cut hair?

And then would you get mad that people assumed that Nauvoo was a girl and Zion was a boy?

People are stupid.

Also, if you had a social phobia, would you not think it wise to name your children normal names so that you would not have to explain the names to people constantly?

And don'’t you think that naming these children thus limits the places that this family can live unless they want their children to be a constant missionary tool?

And if you had a social phobia, wouldn't you want to be as inconspicuous as possible?

Sheesh, I'’m all for not stereotyping children into gender roles, but throw the public a clue, woman! Put a pink bow in Zion'’s hair! Have Nauvoo wear Nikes instead of Keds! And don'’t be such a blasted bitch if someone or two someones in the same office make a mistake about the gender of your children if you are going to make such obvious mistakes naming them! If you have to name your children Zion and Nauvoo, Zion is, well, I don'’t know what Zion is, but Nauvoo is definitely more feminine than masculine. It means "“beautiful"” for hell'’s sake!

I hate my job today. I want to move to Alaska.

22 comments:

Master Fob said...

Zion is a boy's name. Ask Lauryn Hill.

Mandi said...

This cracked me up. I made the very same mistake when seeing a very long,curly haired baby in gender neutral clothing by assuming it was a ltiile girl (honestly his face was even girly, not boy-ish at all!) I'm glad the mother made a "him" reference before I blew it...

Absent-minded Secretary said...

It will only cost us $289 in licensing fees to create the Coalition of Aunts and Uncles for Sensible Naming Practices, LLC.

Perhaps we then can some voice in the future of our nieces and nephews names, and they will no longer be initialized or named after weather phenomonea.

Absent-minded Secretary said...

Aedgy!

Absent-minded Secretary said...

It showed up here! You'd better start making comments elsewhere to see if it shows up everywhere.

Th. said...

.

I had a definite boy name and never dressed gender neutral and always had shortish hair and was always confused as a girl--I guess because of my rose red lips?--about till I was in high school.

Whatever this means.

Does this mean you hate me for naming my son Julie?

On the bright side, we've decided our first daughter will definitely be Jim. Maybe with a Y.

FoxyJ said...

The funny thing is, some people will never get it right. Sophie has an obvious girly name, and one day was wearing a pink dress to church when someone complemented me on my cute little boy ?! Granted she did have not very much hair at the time, but still!!

I used to have visions of gender neutrality for my children, but I don't mind dressing my little girl in pink and combing her hair in pigtails. I draw the line at little sweatpants that say "flirt" on the butt though, and I am proud that she has no idea what Disney princesses are.

Master Fob said...

Do you pronounce that ae like the ash it looks like? Or is it a long A like agy? As in, "You're looking rather agy lately."

Edgy said...

Does it matter? I mean, all I'm trying to do is get to the top of everyone else's blog links. And this should do the trick. Well, except for those who give Melyngoch her initials . . .

Master Fob said...

I hereby protest your misuse of the alphabet and declare my intention to continue calling you Edgy. (It helps that I don't know how to make an ash with html code.)

Briam said...

Hey, ædgy, like your blog.
But as long as we're forming movements, I'm thinking of starting the Alfabetization Reversal Coalition, then changing my name to Zzyzx, after a random off-ramp on the highway between Vegas and LA. Then I shall be back to the top of Absent's link list!

Absent-minded Secretary said...

My goodness! Such a fuss to get onto the top of a list! Master Fob is protesting, Briam and ædgy are changing names. What is a girl to do? ;)

Edgy said...

Well, you are the one to start this . . .

So this is what you are to do. Just put me at the top of your list. Even if it is non-alphabetical. There ought to be some perks for being the bestestest friend in the world.

noelle feather said...

Hey Briam: I see that Zzyzx off ramp every time I go to Vegas and Utah-and my mom and I always get into a discussion of how in the world you pronounce that word. Do you know?

Absent-minded Secretary said...

ædgy, you are at the top of the list, ever since you changed to ædgy you have been at the top of the list. Now, I promise that you will stay there as my bestestest friend as long as I stay at the top of your list. Goose and gander stuff here. Even if you meet a blogger named "Aardvark Abbott," who is just the coolest thing since sliced bread, and I change my name to "The Scatterbrained Plenipotentiary" you still have to have me at the top of your list in spite of all of your editorial instincts to alphabetize.

(I learned a new word today, and I just had to use it.)

Absent-minded Secretary said...

And how was I the one to start this? I think that I can document that it t'was you, dear ædgy.

Edgy said...

Even if you can document it, said documentation would be invalid due to the improper usage and spelling of 'twas. ;)

Regardless, I am now going to revert to standard spelling. And you will remain at the top of my list.

Absent-minded Secretary said...

But my improper usage and spelling of 'twas isn't contained in the documentation. So, it is utterly unfair that you would disregard such factual evidence.

Besides, don't you remember that I add twenty mistakes to everything I write just so you have something to entertain your brain while you read my silly stuff?

Hmmm, maybe I need to blog a numbered list soon. :)

Absent-minded Secretary said...

Oh, and by the way, I am not speaking to you since you saw She's the Man without me. You didn't even mention or hint that you were going to see the hillarious Amanda Bynes. I just can't see how we can be any part of each other's life's again. Sob. Sob, sob.


Sob.


Sob. Sob...





Sob.

Briam said...

feather: If you were writing a poem, and wanted to rhyme the word Zzyzx, I would siggest "pie sticks". If you're familiar with IPA, it would be [zaIzIks].

Why hasn't anyone invented pie sticks yet?

Briam said...

Oh, and ams, feel free to list edgy above me, I'm so completely noy worthy.

noelle feather said...

briam: That's how I would have guessed it, and EVERY time my mom and I go to Vegas or SLC, when we see that offramp, we have a heated discussion on how to say that exact word. :)