Coalition of Aunts and Uncles for Sensible Naming Practices

After expressing my disgust at the defective alphabet Patrick's dad intends to call him, Absent mentioned that we should form a coalition to somehow enforce sensible naming practices. Considering the following e-mail that I received from a friend this morning, I'm inclined to agree with her.

If you were to name your child Nauvoo, would that child be male or female?

And if that child were male, would you grow that child'’s hair out long and curly to his shoulders and dress him in gender-neutral clothing so nobody would be able to tell that he was a male?

And if you had a three-year-old boy-child named Nauvoo with long curly hair, would you also have a girl-child named Zion?

And would that two-year-old girl-child named Zion have short, thick hair--short, thick, boy-cut hair?

And then would you get mad that people assumed that Nauvoo was a girl and Zion was a boy?

People are stupid.

Also, if you had a social phobia, would you not think it wise to name your children normal names so that you would not have to explain the names to people constantly?

And don'’t you think that naming these children thus limits the places that this family can live unless they want their children to be a constant missionary tool?

And if you had a social phobia, wouldn't you want to be as inconspicuous as possible?

Sheesh, I'’m all for not stereotyping children into gender roles, but throw the public a clue, woman! Put a pink bow in Zion'’s hair! Have Nauvoo wear Nikes instead of Keds! And don'’t be such a blasted bitch if someone or two someones in the same office make a mistake about the gender of your children if you are going to make such obvious mistakes naming them! If you have to name your children Zion and Nauvoo, Zion is, well, I don'’t know what Zion is, but Nauvoo is definitely more feminine than masculine. It means "“beautiful"” for hell'’s sake!

I hate my job today. I want to move to Alaska.