Thursday

best. mail. ever.

And I do mean EVER.

front of envelope:

God's Holy Spirit instructed us to loan you this to start turning things around for you. So, here it is.

Use it and be blessed.

back of envelope:
Dear God,
With our bibles opened to St. Matthew 18:19, we humbly and sincerely pray on bended knees for You to anoint this letter with Your precious and holy power to meet the most pressing needs that someone is facing as they open this church letter of prayer.

Heavenly Father, we pray that this one who needs this divine help will write their needs on page two of this letter and will place this blessed, biblical, Acts 19:11, 12, Handkerchief and this sealed Bible prophecy under their side of their bed as they sleep tonight.

Let Thy power from heaven descend upon this home tonight and tomorrow night, after this one has mailed their most pressing needs back to this 56-year-old church ministry. We pray that they will break open this sealed prophecy after sunset tomorrow. Amen

and, finally, the letter:
As a minister for more than a half-a-century, I've read and reread, in the Holy Bible, how God instructs ministers to send Bible faith handkerchiefs to people's homes, and, as a result, miracles of blessings occur.

Here, I loan you, in Jesus' Holy Name, this paper, Bible faith handkerchief for something good to happen for you (Acts 19:11, 12) . . .

Dear . . . Someone Connected with This Home, Who Needs Prayer and God's Divine Help and Blessings . . . in The Name of The Father, The Son and The Holy Spirit,

We've been on our knees, praying over this addres and someone connected with it, because we feel someone connected to this home needs God's help and blessings. One of our ministers is over 90 years old, another is 89, and several are in their 70's [sic]. Together we have more than 200 years of experience as ordained ministers, helping people who need prayer. And, God is doing great things every day here at this half-a-centuy-old church.

As we prayed, the Holy Spirit said, "If you want this home to be blessed, mail a biblical faith handkerchief like th Apostle Paul did, at Acts 19:11, 12, where miracle blessings began when people used these blessed handkerchiefs." Here, let me read what God's Holy Word says about these Bible handkerchiefs: "And God wrought special miracles by the hands of Paul: So that from his body were brought unto the sick H-A-N-D-K-E-R-C-H-I-E-F-S or aprons, and the diseases departed from them, and the evil spirits went out of them." ACTS 19:11, 12.

My father had a bad habit of drinking, and he could not stop. I sent one of these to my Baptist mother, and it flat stopped Dad from a bad drinking habit. It works!

Here is what I ask you to do, in Jesus' name . . . (1) PRINT YOUR NAME AND YOUR MOST PRESSING PROBLEM, BY FAITH, IN THE CENTER OF THIS BIBLE HANDKERCHIEF Yes, that's what I said . . . print your name, by faith, in the center of this church handkerchief AND THE NAME OF SOMEONE ELSE WHOM YOU REALLY LOVE THAT NEEDS GOD'S HELP. Print their name under yours. (2) Then, OPEN YOUR BIBLE TO THE BOOK OF ACTS, CHAPTER 19, VERSES 11 AND 12, if you have a Bible. If not, it's okay. God sees. (3) Then, LAY THIS BIBLE FAITH HANDKERCHIEF (with your name printed in the center of it) ON THIS SCRIPTURE. (4) Leave it there under your side of your bed for TONIGHT ONLY! If you can't, God will see your situation, but we would like you to sleep over it.

In the morning, please take this faith handkerchief out of that Bible, put it into this self-addressed envelope (the chruch will pay the postage for you - this is so important) and return it to us in the morning. I repeat, please do not keep this faith handkerchief, and please do not break this flow of God's spirit from my home to your home. Rush this Bible, church handkerchief back, for I must write something, in the spirit, to you that's good and is coming to your door.

Now, when our 56-year-old church receives this Bible handkerchief back from you (with your name on it), we are going to pray a special prayer for a special miracle blessing for you. I am asking you right now to pray about sowing a biblical seed offering unto the Lord. As your faith leads you to sow a seed gift to the Lord's work, give God your best seed and believe Him for His best blessing (St. Luke 6:38). Get out a seed offering and give it to God as your seed toward your harvest, and toward the work of Jesus Christ, for this is the work of God that this church is doing (Galatians 6:7). Please follow the faith instructions in this sealed prophecy.

I feel, in my heart, that I must pray for you right away. I don't know if something has happened, is happening, or is about to happen. I know that the Holy Spirit is in this spiritual letter and is speaking to your spirit now while you read these words. Please obey the Holy Spirit and let God's blessings be bestowed upon you. Only break open this sealed prophecy after sunset tomorrow. If you are not going to return this Bible Handkerchief, then this sealed prophecy must be destroyed, unopened and unread, because this is of a spiritual nature.

We are waiting, as a church, on this faith handkerchief back from you, with your name printed in the middle of it and the name of someone you love printed under yours (St. Matthew 18:19). You are holding a church, Bible aith handkerchief. Go and place it in a Bible, if you have one. If not, it's okay. God sees. I believe the windows of heaven are about to open fo ryou and your needs. Mail it back immediately. We're waiting.

[signature. of the church, which I find impressive since last I checked, churches didn't have opposable thumbs to sign their name]

MAIL THIS PAGE BACK WITH THIS BIBLE HANDKERCHIEF.
NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF PRAYER!
Dear Pastors at [church name's] 56-Year-Old Church,
( ) I received this Bible Handkerchief and this Sealed Prophecy you loaned me, and I used it as you instructed in this spiritual letter of faith. Now, I am returning it for prayer that god would give me a special miracle blessing. I shall open this sealed prophecy after sunset tomorrow.

Pray for my family and me for . . .
( ) A Closer Walk With Jesus
( ) To Be Saved.
( ) Our Family Member's Health
( ) Confusion In My Home
( ) My Children
( ) A Better Job
( ) To Stop A Bad Habit
( ) A Home To Call My Own
( ) A New Car
( ) A Money Blessing
( ) Pray for God to bless me with this amount of money: $____________
( ) Please, especially pray for this person: ___________________________
( ) Also pray for (please print): ______________________________________
( ) I am sowing my seed gift to God's work of $____________
( ) I need God's divine help in all areas of my life.

[NAME OF CHURCH] MUST HAVE THIS BIBLE FAITH HANDKERCHIEF BACK.
It is important to you to return this biblical handkerchief. The church will pay the postage for you. We will send a wonderful, free, spiritual gift to you that will be a blessing to you for a lifetime, as soon as we receive this back from you.

6 comments:

Absent-minded Secretary said...

Oh, you had better send the paper handkerchief back to the church so you can get your "wonderful, free, spiritual gift."

And just think of all the people who can now find your blog because of all those "blessed" key words.

Master Fob said...

I want a Bible handkerchief.

FoxyJ says we need to pray for more confusion in our home.

Desmama said...

I smell a lovely little April Fool's Day gift for Coworker, don't you?

eleka nahmen said...

I totally think you've just discovered Missionary Work 2.0. Why bother with guys in suits when you can use spiritual chain letters - it works for Viagra!

Th. said...

.

You're saved!

Absent-minded Secretary said...

Do we get to ask what the sealed prophecy says?