Last night, after a two-year hiatus, I ventured back to the club with a group of friends. Most things, including many of the people, haven't changed. Coming back at it after a couple years away, there are some things I observed last night.
- If you are fifteen years older than me, you really should reconsider whether or not it is appropriate to be dancing in a go-go cage.
- Along those lines, if your waist is twice the size of mine, you also ought to avoid the go-go cage.
- Should you feel inclined to strip down to your underwear to dance, you really, really need to take off the white socks. Please.
- I know that we all want to take off our shirt while at the club (because we all think we're sexy), but you really shouldn't if A) you could wax your back and have enough hair to make a wig for a cancer patient or if B) you have a sunken chest and a flabby stomach.
- The orange, sleeveless button-up, white Daisy Duke shorts, hiking boots, and calf-high white socks is a look that even Jessica Simpson couldn't pull off. And your Farah Fawcett shades truly don't help.
- Finally, and I know Eleka has blogged about this in the past, but I want to leave a note to the ladies. You are at a gay club. The go-go cages are for the eye candy. I'm not denying that you're cute, however, the cage is not your place. And I know that you're at the club with your best friend and his boyfriend. And I know that they're both quite pleasing to look at, especially without their shirts. But the rest of us would appreciate it if you would keep your lips off their naked chests.