how stella got her groove back

It's now been two weeks since the Weekend of Hellishness. I've kept fairly busy, which is why I haven't posted. I think that by and large I'm over the nonsense that was two Sundays ago. I've been working on putting myself back together, and things are generally good.

For starters, it was quite nice to have all the support and affirmation from various friends, all of it unique to the individual. Thank you, everyone.

As I said, I've kept myself busy. Way back when, I think in January or so, I promised my sister that I would give her my bedroom set. I know that it's a rather lame wedding-type gift, but even so . . . Then again, it's turned out to be a rather expensive little gift. I now have a newly redecorated bedroom though. And it's pretty sweet. More on that later. As in another day. Patience, people.

During the last couple weeks, I've engaged in flirting with a cute boy. I know that it's likely total rebound, but it's nice to feel desirable. Even if whatever it is between us has seemed a bit weird during the last week.

I've spent the last two weekend in a Pliates certification class. So much working out. So much physical exhaustion. And now I have to learn stupid anatomy before the test. My experience is that most of us don't really care to know when our serratus anterior is working concentrically.

The one thing that helped me get over Things happened the Wednesday following. One of the blogs I follow is The Great Mate Debate. It is sponsored by chemistry.com (which I checked out because I think their television advertisements rock) and is authored by five different people. Anyway, the topic that day was "How many people can a person/should a person date at one time?" Dan Savage's response really resonated as something I needed to hear at the time:

Dating more than one person at one time is acceptable—hell, it ought to be encouraged. But I agree with G&A when they say that it's not kosher to sleep with more than one person at one time. I would only add this: You can date and sleep with more than one person at one time—heck, you can sleep with a cast of thousands—if everyone is fully informed.

The mistake I made was to assume some sort of exclusivity about our relationship and then to get upset when I discovered my assumption was false. Looking back, I realize that we kinda sorta in a roundabout way had a conversation about our exclusivity that went something like this:

TD: So, are we dating exclusively?
Edgy: Hmm. I don't know. I hadn't really thought about it. What do you think?
TD: [mumble mumble change of subject]

I left this conversation assuming exclusivity whereas he likely appears to have left it assuming nonexclusivity.* So that was my bad. Though, in my defense, to behave as the protagonist in my own story instead of the antagonist**, he did treat me as though we were dating exclusively. At least when we were in the same physical location.

In the end, I'm chalking it up to massive communication breakdown and moving on. There are bigger and better things out there, and I deserve them.



*I don't actually know what he was thinking because he's never told me what he was thinking. Granted, with TD, this isn't necessarily unusual. As others will attest, TD is notoriously bad at actually communicating a clear and concise idea; most conversations with him are an exercise in reading between his lines.

**Absent should be so proud.