Tuesday

big fat manifesto

I fear that I will never understand the gastrointestinal tracts of the puppies.

For example, Saturday evening, Softball decided she wanted to make brinner for her meal, as it was her weekend to cook. Furthermore, she insisted that we mark St. Patrick's Day with the dinner and turn everything green. So we cooked some green flan the night before. And we had kiwi and mandarin oranges in green whipped cream. And we had lemon-lime Crystal Light. And we had green German pancakes.

And then there was the green bacon.

My BiL had suggested that he had seen somewhere online that you can dye your bacon green. We thought that was rather kooky. So we tried it. Or, rather, we made Dec try it. (I'm noticing that if it involves a griddle or a skillet, I won't cook it. Don't know why. Probably ought to see someone about this.) What it comes down to is you put a couple drops on the fat. We then decided to rub it in and press it against the next piece of bacon. By and large, the fat of the bacon remained green. Tomboy and I thought it was cool; everyone else was rather grossed out about it.

So back to the puppies. In the cleanup process, unnamed persons (whose names rhyme with Fleck and Schmomboy) left the garbage can out in the middle of the kitchen after they had left the room. This is the garbage can that has grease-soaked paper towels sitting on the top of it. As is her wont to do, Puppatrix had pilfered some paper towel. I walked in on her hiding under a chair nom nom nomming away on said paper towel. She started nom nom nomming away quicker.

Apparently that was the second paper towel. This afternoon, I walked into the living room to find her throwing up. And what did I find in the pile of neon green vomit? (Did I mention that Tomboy insisted on neon green food dye this weekend?) That's right. It was a formerly-green-dyed-bacon-grease-soaked paper towel, still relatively whole.

I'm baffled because she has eaten since the nom nom nomming and had movements. Where was she hiding this paper towel in her system? I'm thinking she might be part cow and have an extra stomach or two. Not sure though.

4 comments:

mommymuse said...

Oh that is so gross! And so funny. Now I've got to try tinting my bacon. PS--Sometime I still want a list of must-read YA fiction.

mommymuse said...

And really, is the fact that you may never understand canine gastrointestinal details, truly something to fear? 'Cause I'm thinking some things are better left unknown.

absent-minded secretary said...

I forgot to comment on this earlier, but, I meant to say: gross. But, now that I have had stated my feelings, I just wanted to make sure that you were having green bacon for dinner tonight, because tonight is the appropriate night for green bacon. :)

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